Sunday, 21 February 2010

God / a poem

எல்லோரையும் எதிர்த்தேன்
கடவுள் என் பக்கம் என்று,
பிறகுதான் தெறிந்தது
அவர் எல்லோர்பக்கமும்
கடைசியில் தான் தெரிந்து
அவர்தான் எல்லோரும்
என்று .


Thursday, 18 February 2010

Nagulan's poem

நகுலன் நன்றி: 'ழ' இலக்கிய இதழ்


எனக்கு யாருமில்லை
இவ்வளவு பெரிய
எனக்கு இடமில்லை
பெரிய நகரத்தில்
அறிந்த முகம் ஏதுமில்லை
அறிந்த முகம் கூட
மேற் பூச்சுக் கலைய
கடந்து செல்ல வேண்டும்
என்ற நினைவுவர
''சற்றே நகர்''
என்று ஒரு குரல் கூறும்.

Writer Nagulan, who is no more, worked as English professor in Kerala, Trivandrum, prolifically wrote stories,essays,poems, a genius who was not recognized to the extent he deserves.The above poem is one written by him.

Sunday, 7 February 2010

Sudhir with ? / story

Sudhir could not believe ,whether a life would be like the stories we read or some rare movies we happen to see,while reading or seeing a movie like that we tend to think , not really so, all pure imagination with commercial bias.Does love come between a boy and girl just like that,after a few meetings as a friendly chat in working atmosphere or chance happening.Hmmmm..everything seems right happening at the correct time.
Once he went to meet a HR executive of a corporate house for a casual meeting to fix up a rendezvous to talk about the prospect of getting an assignment in either Singapore or Malaysia.He was asked to wait in the reception for a few minutes, meanwhile that HR, Ramesh came online to him on the mobile and said
'Excuse me Mr.Sudhir, in a few minutes , I 'd be in the reception "
'Okay' I said
A girl came to him and asked 'Mr.Sudhir?'
'Would u like to take any cold drink or hot coffee or tea?'
'It is ok if I get something cold'
'In a minute sir'
She vanished from there , next minute I was offered a cold drink in a beautiful glass.When I was half way through my drink,one lean guy came introducing himself 'Hi, I am Ramesh Mr.Sudhir, happy to meet you'
'It is my pleasure Mr.Ramesh'
'Shall we go for lunch , I already fixed a table in the nearby Restaurant'
'It's ok '
We went in his car and reached the cool dining hall ,light melody wafting through the hall from some hindi movie'
Both became so friendly immediately , since we already introduced ourselves through telephonic conversation, we ordered for an Executive lunch, and continued talking.Welcome drink came which we waved our hands implying a 'no' to the bearer.
Ramesh asked me why I needed to change the company besides why to Singapore in particular, for I said ,'Ramesh I have a brother who is in the final year of Engineering and his wish is to continue Robotics, for I think Singapore is nearby ,and if possible at least in one year he would finish and be back to India happily.'
'ok,ok I understand Sudhir'
'Placement is not a problem for you and assignment in singapore can be managed, when you will be able to join, I mean when you can get relieved from the present company?'
'In 40 days I will be free'
'Oh ! fine ,then I will process your papers and what time would be convenient for you to attend the telephonic interview of our technical side '
'Between 6 and 8 evening, is it ok for your technical manager?'
'oh yes , I can explain , and he is nice man , besides friendly in a way apart from professional level'
'Thank you Ramesh'
Then after finishing the lunch we came out and he brought me back to his office, and in the portico itself I said ,bye bye and walked towards my car.
For the proposition of sending my brother for specialization in Sing my dad said he would take care and I know he could ,but I felt it is my duty doing for my brother.My brother said ,no ,he would take care of himself since his placement is over in the campus and he is leaving for U.S , he is one among the brightest in the college and he is more a scientist than a student even right now.
My friends though appreciate my tendency of helping not only my close guys but also those who are in distress, am called my friends as a swamiji in branded pants and shirts.I dont know why.May be so, because I dont smoke,drink and am uncomfortable in malls where milling crowds come if not for anything else , just for killing time.My mindset is , why people do something which suits their mind and body rather than go out and look around.Oh.......... I am sounding different from the youths of today.Sorry, dont want you to get glued on such thoughts.
I for one feel, people of my age group not necessarily need to read or go to any swamijis and their ashrams to feel free and elated, even in their own homes or any place where they feel comfortable,for may be a even a restaurant with full of noise, variations of voices one can observe oneself standing away as if looking a third person and I believe you sorta delving into a zone of peace..........p e a c e.
The process of understanding starts when I dissolve my own preconceived mind about my position, my studies, my knowledge [not mechanical knowledge of doing my job with awakened intelligence] my ideas if any about religion etc., ....then slowly of course slowly I am able to grip the one which is silently watching me,that may be God, a form , a sentence , or that or this without nomenclature.
well let me come to the practical world of earning for living , I mean to have the minimum needs.
I attended the technical round and the HR round of formalities and HR said I could prepare myself for the offer letter with the time duration required for joining as I wished.
Switching off the mobile I started walking from my office after taking a tea in my office , leaving the car behind in the parking lot, during my such walking with alertness ........ I mean my mind's alertness is extraordinary which is what said to me by many an elder of my father's age and once a swamiji blessed me while travelling in a train from Hyderabad to chenni.
Swami's origin somewhere in one north indian state and on my child like questioning,swami said he was a professor with different name somewhere and now swamiji without any air of sort in talking.
When I offered plantain out of respect he took one and said Ram..Ram and thanked me for the offering.I was so surprised the manners he maintained and the diction.Just like a boy I asked as if pestering where did the swami study...........'studies I mean formal studies in India and U.K.'
'Swami , may I know where now swami is going?'
'Madras '
'Any temples?'
'Hmmmmmmm I dont know' he smiled and said 'just a command from within'
'If I am not disturbing you , may I ask a question?'
'yes son'
'Am I going in the right direction?'
'Ha ha ha ha' he laughed with a kind of reverberation .
'Son , please understand here no one says what you do is right or wrong'
'then how do we know.......'
'Only you and you only have to find.... seek, if there is any guru or who claims he is a guru, if he is sincere he may be guide post not one who could make you understand what is 'that' .....'
' What shall I do .......meditation,breathing exercises or any ?'
'Techniques can not take you any where.......besides no one is an authoriy.......if one becomes an authority ,he need not live in the mortal coil........ not needed neither wanted '
'I think I understand '
'You will understand son... don't worry'
In between at one stop suddenly Swamiji got down from the train telling me , '
"God bless you my son'
Swami you said you are going to Madras
'yes son , on my way "
I sat stupefied ruminating the conversation I had with swamiji.He got down and walked fast as if trying to get a running train.Mystery........
I am standing in the Airport to see off my brother to U.S and he hugged me first time after we became men and shook hands with me saying 'Anna, dont go to Singapore, be here with Appa and Amma, I will be back in two years and then we decide.'My dad though always composed ,his face showed his feelings , he could not see his son for two years, and my mom could not stop the tear drops , although a few, and turned her face , not to make her younger son feel the emotions.He maintained his cool although turning his back and walked I could feel he must have been trying with his hand kerchief as if mopping his face.I prayed for his successful studies and courage to pursue his mission.
My brain started "thathvanchas thathvagas theevras thabo roobas thaboh mayaha,thriyayeemayas thirikaalanchas thrimoorthis thrikunathmaha"
Silence encompassed us while coming home in the car, father being a sort of renunciate now , did not want to continue the silence hence broke the silence , and asked me 'sudhir, what are your plans? when you plan to go abroad?'
I said 'No dad, not now after two years'
but why?
I think two more years I will be here , right now I think I am comfortable here.
'ok son as you wish'
Next day morning I called the land line and asked 'Ramesh?'
'No sir, I am Kanchana , his colleague , may I know who is online?'
'oh, I am Sudhir, a friend of Mr.Ramesh, would like to talk to him, so fixing up an appointment with him I called'
'I note down your inquiry sir, I will let you know when he back from his meeting.'
'Thank you Kanchana'
'Welcome Sudhir'
After an hour Ramesh came online to my mobile and I informed the change of plan since my brother already left for U.S and he knew why I wanted to go abroad.Ramesh understood the situation and gave me alternative,if willing , I could join here itself with better salary , and although I am not a type driven by money almost always , something in me said okay to the proposition and we agreed we could discuss the time frame for the transition .
Now everyone left for the lunch to the food court , I remained silent sitting,felt no hungry , may be fulfillment of having the feeling my younger one pursued with an arrangement with the company in U.S to study and do the project.My brother is a tireless worker and energetic always.He sits silent  every morning around an hour in his bed in upright position before touching the daily news paper.I heard he is visiting one Lord Anjaneya temple every  Tuesday evening .
In a leisurely pace I put down my papers in my company and joined the new company and during induction I went 15 minutes before the starting time to the meeting venue and no one was there .I picked up my folder where I kept a copy of The Times of India and started reading 'India's Democratic Princes' by none other than Chetan Bhagath and subsequently flip flopping the paper,before 5 minutes of the meeting time everyone came , our technical expert with HR and the lady who on the day of my arrival first time in this company came out and asked me whether I needed anything to ...may be some letter starting with K.

Everything seems find with office ,doing only what I already know and out of my experience nothing seemed difficult .Once a call came from an unknown placement agency asking whether interested to take up assignment in writing covering the Corporate governance , leadership style of present day management especially Marketing side of companies.Later came to know ,probably the referance taken from my blogging site and the interest shown in that particular area.I replied, I would keep in mind since right now I could not take up full time assignment .
One among the four of our team is Kanchana , who I came to know very intelligent not only the work we involved but other areas like literature , fiction, a bit of philosophy and spiritualism.Well without any  inhibition she is an ideal suitable girl for any aspiring bridegroom.May be some one must be lucky already waiting for her.
During such interacting while we take lunch she was asking about my parents and family and I about her and family both mutual interaction not anything inquisitive bordering on tresspassing in to the personal domain.
She said after one month her parents had found a suitable boy for her  a plastic surgeon , but in U.K in a hospital working as a specialist.Hmm something cracking inside I could feel, but came to my normal thinking this is natural for any boy of marriageable age.Lucky that doc is in U.K.
She had shown me snap of the Doc, he is good looking , handsome,bright eyes .She said his parents settled in U.K , so even schooling was done there , studied Medicine in U.K and specialization in Harvard .
I said 'lucky you are'
'Don't know'
'Well best wishes Kanchana , you would be good wife and can get a job there for the position he is in '
'That is what he says'
'So when marriage is to be held and where?'
'In chennai only'
After marriage she resigned and left abroad, months rolled by , meanwhile parents one day showed me a photo of a bride but something in my mind prompted me to say not now a few years more and Dad kept mum slightly shaking his head.Does my Dad know mind reading? I dont know.But onething I know he is cut above normal intelligent man something special ....... is it intuition or spiritual, I dont know.
I was asked to meet one Japan's vice president of the company , whom they said knew English and even studied in U.S.So I left for Delhi by flight and met him as arranged with all my papers and information in my laptop for his branch in U.S.A. We concluded the meeting within specific time with all the informations exchanged in a brief time.He was happy and requested me whether I could accompany him to Benaras , for I called the company and I was okayed anything asked for . Next day we were in Benaras,before which I explained about the crowd,hygiene and the tolerance needed to see poverty as an observer.He said his grandfather was a staunch Budhist and he visited in his life time to India and about various places he wrote down and partly he was a lover of Indian land and its philosophy and vedas.During our journey he talked about Ramayana and Mahabharatha and the mental agony of Bhishmacharya , one who was the rightest man at the wrong place owing to his fate.
While describing the Bhishmacharya, I could sense a part of Bhishma talking through him, strange indeed listening this from a Japanese Engineer and the experience of listening.]
He asked me which character I liked for I described Shunahshepa, son of Sage Vishwamitra , who against the wishes of father , requested the Sage ,he wanted to learn Mantras and vedic knowledge,at his sacred feet; who although born to Vishwamithra did not know the truth and Vishwamithra came to know of it through Ajigarta ,who brought up Shunahshepa.So three days went by happily with a like minded Japanese.
Once after dinner my parents and I were just talking about various things happening around which is one of the routines when we three sat either before or after dinner.
'Sudhir, why you delay your marriage?'
''No appa,just not my mind says so'
My father is not a yakking type on one subject to the extent of pestering.So ended the talk just like that.
After a few days again the sub of my marriage was broached by my dad and even I could feel a sort of pain in my dad's tone, I decided to reply saying someone like my prospect came my way pa, but before .... came with her wedding invitation , so put it aside, I dont know pa , may be twist and turn in my life goes on its own ; I am not allowed to decide.
'Hmmmm said my father.'but how did you know that you could propose?'
'Well don't know , may be my nature thinking so many times in order not to offend or rub on the wrong side made my decisions in such matters slow, so hmm..happened like this.'
'So you have a formula of approaching anything in human relationships and live with that formula'
'hmm, may be'
'son,I don't know if you ever question why you always live at the conceptual level,whereas actuality is entirely different.You could have proposed and accepted the yes or no as an answer and pass on , living your life without much disturbance in the mind. do you get me my son?'
'Yes pa'
'we all lived in a general category, and I think you are something different or special.I dont think I need to advice you, you almost know what is life,loneliness from aloneness .How to cope up with the situation like that.But as a father , I have my what to say ..... what I feel as a normal father despite my education, not bookish , my thinking pattern etc to you.'
'Let the force decide the way you think'
'Ok Appa'
'Do you feel anything wrong the way I talked to you?'
'NO Appa'